Through the Looking Glass: Exhale. Walk. Listen.

Nature's Traffic Jam - Photo by Alice Patterson

God's pressed the slow-mo button on life this morning.  There is no sound other than the crunch crunch of black rock under my feet. The geese are even quiet, three of them walking slow and methodically on the bright green grass of spring to my left.  On my right, two more stroll. Their rare silence is suspicious.  The grey sky lets out a sprinkle and I retreat back into my humble abode to grab a hat. I snap up the blue knit cap for its convenience, not its functionality.   I put it on and decide I don't care if i get wet.  Besides, the sprinkle is more like a mist,  kissing my glasses and face lightly like a fleeting memory. Here, then gone.  

I start most of my days here on water's edge, waking my mind and body up with a one-mile loop. It's here I talk to myself, candid conversations in my mind and sometimes outloud:

"Thank God it's Friday."

"I need to start lifting heavy things so my muscles don't disintegrate."

"Don't forget more salad dressing at the store later."

"Just write the book."

"Did my lip just twitch? I hope there's nothing wrong, I better keep an eye on that."

"Stop thinking about yourself so much."

"Hi again, God...sorry...I think I forgot to say thank you this morning when we were first talking during my morning stretch."

It takes a few minutes to get the chatter out, settling into the morning's silence the way it was intended to be. I exhale, focusing on the soft crunch of earth below my feet.  My eyes catch movement in the lake's center.  It's one of the cute little otters who calls the lake home. My mind does it's thing, racing into an entire story about how weird it is that there are otters in this private lake and how did they end up there in the first place and are they happy and, like me, do they wish they lived in a cooler climate when August comes?

I reel my mind back in, practicing being where I am.  Exhale, walk, listen.

Exhale, walk, listen. 

I am in a never-ending dance class with Mindfulness.  Our steps sometimes in perfect sync, other times  tripping over each other like we've never met. Mindfulness reminds me to not future trip or reach back into my past. Just stay here with me now, it says.

The silence is deafening. I wonder who I am without all the chatter.

I look at my hands and remember to be where my hands are. I am at the lake. I am breathing. I am grateful. I am alive.

Exhale, walk, listen.

I hear, Today is a gift.  

I hope Mindfulness and I get to do our awkward dance again tomorrow.